tontonP

I took my first session of yoga Tuesday night in Gold's Gym. Yes, that's right- YOGA. Wow, I'm not a yoga virgin anymore, hehehe. Boy, I can hear my friends now:

Friend: What did you do Tuesday night?
Me: I did yoga...
Friend: What? I didn't catch that.
Me: I said I did yoga...
Friend: Come again?
Me: I DID YOGA! ARE YOU FUCKING HAPPY NOW? GEEEZ...

But honestly, yoga was a humbling experience...

First, that shit is F-#*^&$*&^ hard. My hats off to all you yogis who contort yourselves into strange pretzel-like shapes. 30 minutes into my first session and i was already sweating it out. Like i said, that's hard shit right there.

Second, I am by no means flexible. I was doing simple yoga and there were a few stretches that required a little grunting on my part. Ok, there were a lot of stretches that required a lot of grunting on my part. I even stretched parts of my body I didn't know that could be moved in that way.

Third, being in a class forces you to do your best. Somehow, subconciously, you'll want to do your best just because you're in a group... and you pray really hard that the instructor doesn't go all Nazi on you, zoom in on you, and correct your pose in front of everyone else. Thank God it didn't happen to me yet and I hope it won't. It reminds me somewhat of high school and being centered out from your class just isn't fun.

Fourth, yoga shows you your own physical limits. As the instructor kept saying: "listen to your body", which roughly translates to "just do the best you can, you're not as flexible as you were 15 years ago, don't dislocate your hips trying to make your forehead touch your knees." And I followed his advise. When we had to do this crazy-ass position.where you lie on your back, raise your legs as high as possible, then you prop yourself using your arms and elbows, I did the sensible thing and I just gave up and lay on the mat.

Fifth, one drop of semen is worth 10 drops of blood. I learned that during the lecture on the "Celibacy Position." Yes, the instructor did give us a lecture and yes, we did do something called a "Celibacy Position". In a nutshell, it's supposed to divert the blood from a man's <CENSORED> so that he thinks with the correct head. And the more blood that goes to the brain, the smarter he gets, or so we've been told. Girls on the other hand don't need it because they're already smart.

Sixth, even if you're the only guy in the room surrounded by around 20 girls (there were 4 other guys in the room but I think 2 of them swung the other way if you get my drift), you won't get distracted because you'll be concentrating on two things- the stretching and the pain associated with the stretching.

So here's looking forward to my next yoga session... and a Manchester United yoga mat in the future (red mat with a Man Utd tag so I can be all soccer while I do yoga).

Tags: yoga
Current Mood: accomplished

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